Wednesday, February 15, 2012

As I lay here once again in my bed late at night, I feel a fire burning deep within my soul.  A fire that does not sit easy with my mind, or with my heart.  I've just come off one of the most impressive wins of my career against a tough opponent from Japan and I feel I get no respect.  Maybe I haven't earned it.  I watched the UFC on Fuel TV tonight and I can't help but feel enraged that I am not there.  I can only blame myself I suppose, I have had opportunity that I let slip through my fingers.  I went in to tough fights without a killers mentality, and I paid for it.  I am still paying for it.

As a fighter, and a perfectionist, I feel I must always have something to work toward.  I have been post fight less than 3 weeks(which isn't long), but I feel I need to keep moving forward.  I have nothing lined up 'next' as of right now and that makes me angry. Angry with myeslf, angry with MMA, angry with every person who I want to fight for and won't put me on.  I have something to prove.  I lost to Ronnie Mann in devastating fashion.  I then followed up with a stupid fight with Jeremy Spoon(one that I don't consider a loss) on 9 days notice, with a 24 lb weight cut, an open wound on my head and no sparring for 8 weeks.  Which makes that follow up L on the record look even worse.  To top it off, after my big win against the Japanese, Bellator doesn't want me and I opted to be released.  A decision that I'm fine with, but can't wait to make them regret. 

I know I will.  I have put too much in, am too dedicated, and am too god damn talented not to be fighting at the elite stage.  My one weakness is being worked on every single day and I really feel vast improvements from week to week.  That being said, I have to be patient.  I no longer 'need the money' thanks to my GI Bill and ongoing education. So bad fights are not even an option.  I just have to trust in my path and keep my nose to the grind.  Stay positive even through the disappointments and when the opportunity presents itself, I'll take it, and tko that hoe.

On a much more positive note, I WON BY 1ST RD TKO FOR TEAM USA!!!!!  WOOHOO!!   My fight was amazing. I'm very satisfied with everything that went into my preparation, the process and the outcome of the G1 event.  If ever you could fight the 'perfect fight', I may have just done that on January 28th.  I didn't get hit and I dished out quite a beating, flawlessly.  I went in to the fight very confident in my new Thai Boxing skill set and toolbox.  I was aggressive on our feet and landed a couple of nice hard leg kicks before I caught a return kick and took him to the mat.  He gave me his back instantly and I sunk my hooks and the rest is history.

I was very proud of myself, and my performance.  That being said, I was a different fighter than my previous two fights.  Not only in skill set, but in mind state.  I was pissed off.  Plain and simple and I went in there to fight.  Not as a sport, but to kick his fucking ass.  I can't believe I ever stopped looking at it that way.  I feel like I wasn't a killer in my mentality in my 2 previous fights.  Oh no my friend, never again.  I have awakened the demon in myself.  I have something to prove and I have to fight like I have something to prove every single time I step foot in that cage. 

On a more personal note, I love my life right now.  School is going great and I feel so happy and blessed to have the opportunity to not only receive free education, but get paid for it while I attend.  Thanks Uncle Sam ;).  Speaking of Uncle's, I'm going to be one again.....  Twice!!  Both my Brother and Sister have baby's on the way, AND they are both due around September.  So woohoo for doubling my Christmas shopping list :)  Not only that, but my Nephew Robert(sister Jenna's son) is turning in to a 6 year old wrestling machine.  Very proud of him!

In conclusion to this blog I want to leave with some perspective goals and possible next steps.  What I REALLY want more than anything is to get back in the Houston scene and take home that 145lb Legacy strap.  Even though I live in Austin now, Htown is still part of my heart and I love all my people there.  I talked to Mick and it's a no go for May but HOPEFULLY, I can take a step in that direction this summer on the July card.  Fingers crossed mate :)  So between now and then I've got to get a good solid W.  Hopefully Japan will work out.  I got an offer for March 31st, but it was a 170 lb fight(I don't even weigh 170), so I had to pass.  But they asked for me by name, so hopefully they'll have something for me this spring at my weight class. 

Thank you for taking the time to read. Comment or share if you'd like.  Before I sign off I want to publicly thank a few people for all that they did/do for me for this past fight and in general.  Thank you to Elton Wells for spending so much time with me and making me better, Tim Kennedy for beating me up and making me tougher and better, & everyone at Austin Mauy Thai for all the hard work.  I wanna thank Ragan and Lacey McDaniel for everything they do for me and for believing in me. Mike 'The Truth' Jackson for the awesome video he put together for me, thanks homie.  I wanna thank Bobby Peek and the Peek family for giving me a place to stay and the opportunity to come to Austin and make it happen up here, you were right Bobby.  And last but not least I wanna thank my Mother Lydia.  I can't tell you how many times and nights have gone by when I've had things go wrong & I've called her crying.  It doesn't matter if it was 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning, she always lended me her ear, never once judged me for my failures, and always given me positive reinforcement that at times was the only thing that kept me going.  It takes a special lady to mother a person like me, and put up with what it takes to be a self made fighter with no breaks, and she's done it superbly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.